Jokes

Don't ever take a back seat to no one !
Especially if no one's driving.

I considered evolution, but I didn't
want to get ahead of myself.

We the willing
are doing the impossible
for the ungrateful.

We have done so much
for so long,
with so little.

We are now qualified
to do anything
with nothing.

Pet owners always have
whine with their meals.

- - - and now boys and girls
that is the reason
why we face our head
out of the cannon

If you think the universe is big
you should see the source code

What do you get when you cross
a parrot with a homing pigeon ?

Voice Mail !

A Chicago man has been given an award for
inventing a telephone that won't ring when you
 are in the tub or shower.

The " No Bell " peace prize !

God shouldn't have used human nature
as an operating system

I can't use a cell phone in the car
I have to keep my hands free
for making gestures.

If it goes right, it's a slice.
If it goes to the left, it's a hook.
If it goes straight, it's a miracle.

I don't get it !
You can't have success
without an occasional failure,
but you can have failure
without an occasional success.

If athletes get athlete's foot,
what do astronauts get ?

Mistletoe !

The universe must be expanding
We keep getting in deeper and further behind

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead,
but the opportunity never presented itself.

You know those neighbors who spy on everyone
and then blab everything ?
My neighbors have one of those.

What do you call a woman who knows her
husband's whereabouts at all times.

A widow

With your success, I can't understand your feelings
of failure and inadequacy ?

Have you ever played golf ?

Leap Year - 366 days instead of the usual 365
You wait four years for it to come
and wouldn't you know, the extra day
would be a work day !